Its all about me!!! - Part 1

I was born in a middle class family in Kolkata and soon came to Mumbai, as my family shifted places. I have seen life in Mumbai change in these 3 decades and so the essence of relationships. I saw people adjusting themselves in crunches with a smile on their face.

I feel fortunate of having this experience seen by myself. Although born in a middle class family, we were never in shortage in resources. My father was working in one of the biggest enterprises in oil & gas domain and we had satisfying life. I started my academic journey from Kolkata and completed that in Mumbai. My earliest days of schools were in a strict convent environment, where you get bitten up, if found speaking anything apart from English and then landing to central school, where talking in English was a ceremony.

As a child, I didn’t had so much of fantasies about getting good toys or clothes, which kids of my age has. But, somewhere when I used to see my friends playing with good toys or getting pampered from their parents, I used to get that expectation built inside myself. But the fact or the reality was entirely different, I was not so impressed by me because I was not as good in the studies as my sister was and he used to compare myself with her. But he failed to understand that, as an individual, I had some qualities which she didn’t have.

This made me shrink into a shell and every day I used to spend fearing, if things are neither right nor wrong. There were many times, when I prayed god to take me up as I don’t want to live here. But then, these are something which a kid will do. My credibility in my family was brought to 0 and this pained me a lot. This created an un-reversible rift between me and my father and probably some where it is still there. We stopped talking with each other long back and this grew by the time.

No one ever felt to sort things out or to understand the problem and it never got sorted. Not that I didn’t want, but I didn’t want to start. It had become a clash of egos and there was no going back. It was a time when I started liking a girl from my class. It was too early and I was too young to define that. But she was from a group, surrounding with high class people and I was never fitted into them or would not fit into them.

I was never made interested to look on presentation and neither had I liked. I always felt comfortable in being the way I am in real. I never liked to be faked, this might be the only reason, I was never included in their group. I always felt lonely and had no such friends. I still remember I called everyone in my birthday, I waited for them and then no one came. I bought a birthday card for that girl on her birthday and gave to her. Next day her friends tore the card and returned me back. I was shattered from inside.

I was in a situation that, I never got an emotional support from any one, whom I expected from. But that didn’t spoiled my identity and I thought, what so ever be and what so ever I have to do, One day I will come to a stage where people will know me and they will work with me. Today when I look back and compare with what was and what I am, there is an unbelievable change in my entire life. Today when I visit the same place, I feel that I should meet with them and then probably I can show them, what I have become.

Then came the college days, brightest and most remembered days of everyone’s life. I was never interested in technical and wanted to go to in medical. I was passionate to become doctor and planned to take up subjects like genetics and neuro. I somehow managed to get a seat in a well known government medical college, but I was not allowed to go, just because the time the entire course to complete and the life a doctor has. I never wanted to go for engineering, as I was not so good with maths and physics. I used to hate any subject which needed calculations.

Well, but destiny had something else stored for me. Leaving everything I had to take admission in B.COM, where again I had to see maths but before that the most scary part was how will I do it? I studied science in school and didn’t knew anything about commerce, then how will I be able to cope with it. I read all the school books on commerce before going to college.

College was cool on the first day. Lot of students, big buildings but the same classes. I had early morning classes and for first couple of days, it was a problem in getting up. But by time, It came into the cycle. It was a different environment only. No restrictions on going classes, lot of friends- I was happy.

Our batch was a mix of students coming from non-state board. All good and intelligent. I always prayed to god that, I should not get into any situation, where I cannot answer. But god was always good on me and he made me look like an intelligent student. Exams for the 1^st semester were good and we passed with good percentages.

 By this time, we were famous in the college. I was good in computers and it proved to be a point of attraction. I am talking about 1999, where people were not so much inclined to computers, but it was not that they didn’t knew about it. 2^nd Semester started on a good note, I started enjoying the stardom in the college.

That was a time when, my life changed for the first time. There was a inter college science exhibition, which for the first time, was hosted by our college. So the management wanted some good volunteers for the event. The criteria of selection was very tough, every class / section would recommend max. of 4 volunteers, all the volunteers should have scored above 60% in their 1^st semester. I was a part of the selected group from my class and we were called for a briefing session.

We reached the hall and found that it was already full. There were selected people from all the three streams viz. arts, science and commerce and from numerous sections. I scanned the hall and got couple of vacant seats. We took those seats and sat there. Suddenly my friend started calling me saying a girl is constantly watching me. I gave least interest in his words and was listening to the professor. My friend again called me and I was totally pissed off. I told him firmly, not to disturb me; the girl heard this and stopped looking at me.

But this was not the end of it. That day I reached home an hour late. I entered home and found no one in the house. My mom was out to visit her friends. I freshened up and it was 5 PM (I cannot forget the time). My phone ranged, I picked up the phone and there was a girl talking from the other end. At first she didn’t tell her name and told me that she knows me. I thought, someone from my group was making fun of me, so I didn’t take it as joke. She got angree on me that I am not serious and dropped the phone. I planned to shout on my gang for this.

Next day, I asked every one about the call and surprisingly no one made it. There facial expression even didn’t tell me that they were joking. I was confused because out of my gang, no one knew my phone number. From that day, my phone would ring at exact 5 PM and the same voice came from other side. One day while talking, I told her that if you don’t tell your name, I will stop taking your calls. I was very much serious on this. She knew and agreed to tell her name the next day.

Her call came as usual at 5 PM and it was raining outside. I told her to first tell her name and then we can talk. Then after a brief silence, she told her name. I cannot tell her name here because probably she might also be reading and I don’t want to put her in trouble. I was happy, day by day; I was getting addicted to her. Funniest thing in this was, she can only call me, I cannot (I know there are lot of ways to get the details but still I wanted to keep the trust). Without meeting and just by talking, we were getting close to ourselves and we understood that this is going to some other level than just friendship.

She told me that one day, she will tell me what she feels about me. I urged her to tell me at the same day, but she was reluctant to give me that day. Couple of days passed and I almost forgot this thing. Then the day came, I still it was Friday and I was waiting for her call as usual. She called me and said that she wanted to tell me something. I kept my hand on my heart and asked her to tell, after a brief silence, she told me that she loved me a lot. I couldn’t believe in what I heard, so I told her to repeat and she did. The call ended but my life started.

I told this to my best friend and he showed interested in talking with her. Next day was Saturday and after coming from college, we had a small ceremony in the house and in that my friend also came. My phone didn’t ring on 5 PM and I thought, she might be busy. Then around 7 PM the phone ringed. I was least expecting to be her. I took the phone and found to be her. I asked her what to her so long, so she told me that she was not in house. I told her that my best friend, whom I treat like a brother, wants to talk with her. She was surprised and little nervous but she agreed.

They spoke for around 10 mins and gave the call back to me and we chatted for another 15 mins and ended up the call. Semester exams came and went well. We decided that we will meet once the exams are over. By this time, I somehow took out the information about her that, she studies in the same college but in a science stream, which happens in the evening. She told me that one day, she will himself come to meet me and till then I should not try to find her. For me it was a test of love and trust. After knowing that both of us are in the same college, it was really hard for me not to find her. But this was something I have to rely upon. I couldn’t think of breaking the promise. I knew that, she will meet me the same day of the lat exam. I waited till evening in the agreed place in the college premise, but no one came.

I was upset but rather concerned, if any problem has happened but I was helpless, as I couldn’t reach her. Evening, she called me and told me that because of an emergency, she and her family had to go to her native place. I was upset from inside but I also knew the she will come back. She told me that she will try to call me. She asked y friends number, just in case, she wants to pass a message to me and I am not available.

Time passed like this and my friend used to tell me that she called him. I was surprised that why she is not calling me. But I didn’t make my mind think on that. Then one day my friend told me that, he got a girlfriend. I was happy for him and I told him that we can spend some time together once she comes back.

It was the valentine’s month and we decided that whatever it takes, we will meet. I had saved lot of pocket money, by skipping food. I bought some good flowers for her and went to college. There are many ways to reach our college and I was coming straight to the gate. The college was on the other side of the road and I was waiting to cross. I was very excited to finally meet her and in this excitement, I looked at the college gate and I could see my gang standing there. I scanned the entire area and found someone like my friend. It was hard for me to believe that, why my friend was in my college. So I remembered him saying that he got a girl friend. I didn’t want to disturb him.

She didn’t come and we didn’t meet. Evening she said that she was standing in the same area and she waved to me, but I didn’t see. I blindly trusted her and apologized her. I told her the why don’t you send your picture so that I can track you. She mailed her picture to me and that was the first time, I saw her. She was beautiful, like a fairy. Now I was eager to meet her in person. We decided to give it a try on Friday on the same place.

Friday came really fast and after completing my classes, I headed towards that place. I was excited thinking that she might be waiting for me. I reached there and scanned the area, she was not there. I thought, I might be early and there is some time for her to come. So I came out and started roaming and what I see, bowled me out and broke my entire life.

I saw my best friend, my brother, standing facing a boundary wall. I could see some girl against the wall. But couldn’t recognize her. Then suddenly a call came to her and he took the call. Speaking on phone he went away from that girl and I saw the same girl, whose picture I was sent.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and without a word went from there. I realized that on the Valentine’s Day, also she was there with him. The phone rang and I clearly asked her that did she love my friend. At first she started shouting at me but when I said I saw her, she stopped and it was a silence. I told her, loving someone is not a crime, so she does not have to repent or feel bad of that. She at once started crying and admitted the relationship.

It was not easy for me to do all these, as to what I did, I told her to go to him. She thought I was angree and will hate her for the entire life. But I convenienced her, that, I don’t see any reason, by which I should hate her. She told me that I have a big heart and one day someone will come in my life, who would understand and respect my emotions and by these words, the calls died. My phone never rang at 5 PM.

I cried a lot. I felt broken. I felt that someone has taken my heart out of me. I stopped eating, stopped meeting friends, and stopped everything. I still remember, it was a Sunday afternoon and everybody was relaxing. It was more than 2 weeks past from that day but I couldn’t forget her. I woke up from my bed and went in the balcony. I was having a shaving blade in my hand and suddenly I cut my nerves. Blood started coming out and I was unconscious soon after. I woke up in the hospital bed with my parents standing beside me. I knew I did a big mistake and I will be punished for that.  But surprisingly, they didn’t ask “WHY?” I felt guiltier and told them everything. My mother touched me and said me that did you think of us?

I understood what she meant and apologized her. For net one week, I didn't go to college and showcased the incident as an accident. Then from that time till the end of the course, there was no looking back. I also joined NIIT with my college and both of them ended the same day.

--To be continued

Today I am married to the most wonderful person and having a lovely daughter. I will definitely write, how did I meet my wife and how did we marry in my next post. You might be thinking, why didn't I fight for my love? But I can fight for something which is mine, not for something which doesn't belong to me. I understood love to “Give Away” without “Expecting” anything. If I holded her that time, then it would not be love but dictatorship. Love is like a boomerang, the more you throw away from yourself the more quickly it comes to you again.

Is it logical to make a remake of original masterpiece?

Its the time of remakes and adaptions. I dont understand the concept or the difference between a "remake" and a "adaptation". for me both of them are the same as there are so many references of the original that you feel that you are seeing the same version.

The Lack of creativeness, has triggered this trend of remaking the same successfull formula with a new touch, it is like you are experimenting with a dish, which is cooked so well. I dont understand the intelligence of re making the entire model keeping the backdrop same but putting new faces and voices in the front. They should understand that people have loved them, like they were in the movie and will compare the newer version on the same grounds.

The newer addition in this league is ajay devgn - tamannah starrer HIMMATWALA, which was remaked from 1983 version of the same titled movie. The authenticity was tampered while making the newer version as the audience was left in between, thinking that what to expect and what to see. This would have been a masala movie for those who have not seen the original version of the same movie and found this version to be having all masala. What was expected from the director was a simple essence of the image, which the original movie had and should have woven the story arround the same. There was no need to keep the same 1983 feel because no one can replicate the presentation levels of that period now. The main reason of HIMMATWALA failing in box office was on the mix of plot and the backgrounds, the movie was more of a comedy than a drama and the raised bar of expectation from the new pair with jeetendra-sridevi, which is evidently not possible.

The nesxt flick on the same lines is a remake of a 1981 movie called CASHME BUDDOR. The original version was released and successfull in the boxoffice even though, it lacked a known or famous faces. The main indegrient of its success was the plot and the comedy blended in the story. It kept people glued on their seats and gave huge doses of laughter. Today also, one cannot stop laughing by looking the flim. This classic was remaked and released with the same name this friday i.e. 5th April 2013. although the verdict of the flim is yet to come but director of this movie has clearly said that this is not a remake but an adaption. He pressed on the fact that, although the ground plot was same but the treatment is different . He clarified that, he has taken a normal easy to understand and relate the story to anyone's life without thinking much on it.

I am not against the fact that there is a reaponsibility of everyone of us to bring the classics to the newer generation so that they are aware of them as well but the question is "HOW" The way they are tampering with the original masterpieces, i fear one day there will be nothing which can be called as a classic and we can be proud in showing them.

Why Anti-Corruption now??

India is 64 years and corruption is older than that, after we getting the Independance the only thing which is progressed is Corruption. India was once a most rich country and if we fought to keep it that way then we never wanted to have things like Corruption even flourish in the country.

With the existance of democracy, the meaning of demograpy has gone. The economic status of the country has gone in the hands of people, which they are using in a way conveient to them. poor is become poorer and riches have grown more richer. The whole demography is devided into common and uncommon crowd, thanks to Corruption for doing this.

Why i am saying this? when people are already aware of this, but what i am not getting is, why now? 64 yrs of taking the decision of fighting against corruption is not a small time to spend. People have died , families have devastated becauce of this and no one said a thing for that and now people have agreed to come on streets shouting anti-corruption slogans, top of their voice.

If we were so concerned with this, then why didnt we punish the first person who has asked for a bribe. This whole episode has turned to be a circus, our hard money never comes back to us as a reward and we are told to avoid giving bribes. This is so much ironic in itself, people tell this even knowing that no work can be done with out giving or taking money, thats how things have been working and that is how things will work.

Couurution may be an epidemic but the originators are multiple. Inflation, Parallel Economy, artificial raise in demand, and many more things give rise to corruption. Today India might be leading the global corruption charts but it is those innocent people who face the ugly side of this. Before shouting against corruption, people should think, on the ways to eradicate it . There were many talks or reforms on this, but nothing has been done now and nothing will happen in future.

Where was this Anna Hazare, when our farmers were dying because of not getting proper compensation. People who are responsible of feeding us, are in the most pathetic state in this country. Why he didnt say a word when India started exporting fine quality of sugar and we indians were given inferior quality to consume? Why he didnt went on fast when the inflation went out of control? The list is very long and will take a life time to justify all the angles.

I am not opposing this, but rather making on news, one should really take some ground level action against CORRUPTION..

My Childhood Friends !!!

They were my friends, who gave me smiles every time i was upset. Although, this has never stopped and still they remain my friends. But now it feels a little childish to say this, but i am sure they are every child's friends.

Here's presenting some of my childhood friends:

         1. Name : Pinni,

   2. Name : Rini & Mini

3. Name : Bunny

4. Name: Tinni,

All of them are the names given to our soft toys, staying in my house.

Some of my favourate cartoons

1. Winnie The Pooh : Loved luke anything. Never missed an episode of it .

2. Pokemon : Still today i watch, if i get time. Saw all the the series.

Whats so Dirty about "The Dirty Picture"?

I happened to catch this much hyped movie, this sunday and found nothing to be so DIRTY in the whole movie. I felt as if, i was waiching any other movie, not the one which went into so much of critisisms off late. It took no time, for me to understood that, there were many sceane deleted from the movie, which would have supported the title.

But i liked the preformances of all the characters in the movie and mostly the OHH LA LA.... (one of my recent favourites..). I felt, that i am taken back to the era, of brilient cinema making. I tickeled myself with a thought that, what made the censpor board to give a "A" certificate to this movie , when most of the sceans were deleted.

But the movie was good enough to create a balance of the cine ethics of 80's with today's quality. The story was more narrative and this helped to understand the story. I felt a little of predictiveness in the story as might be the time it was implying.

The dialogs were fresh and powerfull... same ONCE A UPON A TIME impact, but this time it was more to tickel your body. To my analysis, the dialogs were more adultrious than the story and the sceans itself. The major supporting pillar to the whole movie, were indeed the dialogs, which were able to bind the audience with their chair.

I loved hearing Bappi Da singing after so long time and it was a treat to listen, the feel of 80's music was well recreated by Vishal - Shekhar. The background sets gave a feel of Jitendra dancing in his song from films like Tohfa, Himmatwala etc. The cinematography was awsome in some places, but failed to keep up the feeling in the entire movie.

The story also lost its pace after interval and it felt dragging itself till the end. The character of Emraan Hashmi was not well written, which made him look unrelevent in the whole movie. I didnt see any need of having him in the movie.

Since this movie was a women oriented movie and more of fiction in nature, i would have enjoyed a more powerfull script to portay for Vidya Balan. Although, I have no second thoughts on the power of screen pressence of Vidya Balan, but due to the fading importance of the story, has left her character to look more synpathetic and meanier.

I would rather suggest all you guys, to actually go and spend sometime watching this movie. Dont expect anything in mind rather from seeing some good perfomances and some good music to hear, as there is no DIRT in this movie to call it a DIRTY PICTURE. 

सुर..

मेरे दिल के तारों पर,

सुर तुमने सजाएं हैं,

धरक उठे धड़कन मेरी

ऐसा गीत तुमने सजायं हैं

 

पल पल नाचती हैं, सुरों की साज़ पर

ऐसा पल तुमने सजाएं हैं

छलक उठे पैमाने ऐसे

जैसे पानी पर उफान आया हैं

 

हवायों की ताल पर जैसे

नाचती हैं लहरें मदमस्त

वैसे ही थिरक उठे, जस्बात अपने

ऐसा सुर तुमने सजाएं हैं

 

इस मिलन की बेला को

मत रोको उन पैरों को

थिरक जाने दो, उन साजों पे

उन गीतों पर, जो तुमने सजाएं हैं.....

Petrol prises down...should we feel happy??

Oil companies reducing the pertrol prices by 1.80 rupees, should be a matter of joy. But why i am feeling that, if they could affors reducing the prices then why they raised it. The explanations seems to be fake now, when they say that they have been presurized by government, when goverment do not control the prises of fuel in india.

Its not less than a joke, these people are playing with our lifes. They are manipulating the economy as and when they feel like, its like their propritory thing and they have a full right to do that. People are happy, as the priced reduced,  but they dont see that when oil companies were so much helpless that they didnt have any other option left apart from taking this dicision then how come they agreed to the decision of governement.

I strongly feel, this probably happened, out of the fear and insecurity of the ruling party when they see there is a possibility of people turning back from casting vote in the coming elections. One thing i want to understand that, atleast for onetime , cant we think straight for not commiting the same mistake, lik e what we do every time?

I remember, the time when mumbai was into attacks, people went ahead shouting anti-government slogans, walking in rallies doing what ever they feel coule show their disintrust on the current government. They also made a decision that mumbai will not vote in the coming elections, but what happened.. nothing. People shamelessly went to vote and came back happily.

How shameless we are that, we change happily change our decisions so easily that there is no importance left in our decision. What ever we did at that time was not to show the anger but to get public showlight. To keep bleeding mumbai as a platform and stand on it and get the limelight.

Now the same thing is happening, we are happy because the prices are gone down. But we hardly feel, that the % decrese per liter price is just a cake which is given by the oil companies infront of us , so that we shamelessly go and caste our votes and then soon after return to the same condition and start cursing on what we did.

We dont have any right to curse anyone, when we ourselve are so wrong. We know, people against whome we are crying and shouting, were from our place and it was us who made him sit on our head. We generally misunderstood the power of voting system of any country. People generally, take this as a thing-to-do and show, how efficient thay are?

Efficient voting system is a way to let common man decide the future of the country. Its not a responsibility, its a privledge which is given to each and every citizen of the country. It is a chance given to us, to eigther build or ruin our future and we are not thinking on this.

Still we have time to change this whole scean till it makes an irrversible damage. I dont want a governemnt which is so helpless, but need a strong democracy which will ensure our coming generations are in safe hands of which they should feel proud of.