Its all about me !!!! - Concluding Part

Time passed quickly and I was getting prepared to enter the harsh world of corporate jargons. I was nervous from people saying their experiences in interviews. I was good but not the best and I realized that to be best I have to bury all my past and focus on the things which I intend to do or things which I were waiting for me. But this was not so easy. Now writing this post, I can speak hundreds words of “dos” and “don'ts” but that time, it was not so easy to busy everything.

Luck favored me in this and I got my first professional break as an internship, with an US based software company. But it needed a lot of confidence to sit in front of 4 interviewers and answer their question. One girl helped me to ease my pain. It happened before my graduation completed. I was totally distorted with what had happened and lost focus on almost everything. I used to blindly spend time on internet without knowing what to do. I used to spend hours in chat rooms chatting and flirting. My personality changed and I didn't like it.

Then one day while chatting, I met with a girl who was alone in the room. Although there were lot of people interested in talking with her but she was not responding to any of the requests. I found this a little strange as she was in a public room. I gave her a private message, asking if she wants to talk with me. I was least expecting a reply from her, as she was not replying to anyone in the room, but probably that was my luckiest day. She agreed and we moved to a separate room.

Since it was the first day, we did only high level talks. We talked about our profiles. Although, this kind of talk is practically not logical in these mediums, but we had to start somewhere. We almost continued to chat everyday on the time we decided to meet. Anyone who would come early would create a separate room for the other person to join. Sometimes, I used to get confused with the names, she used to use. Then one day, I asked her, her actual name because some where I knew that she was using false names. Till that time, we had become very good friends and probably I was sure that this is the right time to ask her about her name.

She took a day to reply back to me, as it was normal. She might not trust someone whom she has not met nor spoke with, till now and the time spent was not so much to trust someone to give her details. But our relationship was more of trust than anything else and this came automatically in us. We knew that the other person will not misuse the information in any sense. She told her actual name and surprisingly her name was same of the girl in my class.

I told her to use her real name in the chat as I use to do. Without any further delay she changed her login name to her real name. Time passed like this and I started feeling good while speaking with her. Her company would make me forget my pains and live a good life. I felt an attraction, although we did not meet. I started putting her to the place which was vacant from a long time and felt good in thinking that probably god has made her for me.

But how to ask her or propose her? I didn't want to lose the precious friendship which has grown between us in this time. On calendars it was 3 months past. I thought, I have to anyhow tell her what I felt for her. The least can happen was rejection, so I prepared myself mentally and thought that I would propose her tonight. She came in the night the same time and after a little chat. I told her that I want to express my feeling to her. She didn’t thought much and allowed me to speak. I told her that, I feel good when I am talking to her and probably I think I started loving her. She was silent for the entire time and suddenly went out of the room.

I tried to convince her saying that this is something I felt and do not hold any obligation on you. I am good with your friendship and afraid to loose that. She asked me from when I was thinking about this, I told her that its being a month I am getting that feeling inside me. She told me that she will answer my proposal in a day’s time. I thought that’s it !!!! all gone. I couldn't sleep that night thinking on my foolishness, I had least to expect.

Next day she came and told me that she wanted to test my authentication. She told me that you do something, which will define the level of trust and authenticity that I should be able to put in you. She waited as I was thinking, what I can do? Then without any second thought, I gave my personal mails id and password to her. I told her, this is open my personal account and you can see my trust on you. She was surprised seeing this as no one would give their credentials like this.

She opened the account and without reading anything logged out. But some where she was convenienced that I am not the type of other guys who would cheat someone like this. Then the next day she came with her reply. She paused and gave me her acceptance. Heaven broke on my head and I was on cloud 7. I was more than happy hearing this that at least I didn’t got what I expected. She logged out instantly.

Then the chat went into personal mode and we used to discuss everything on this earth. That was the time when she asked for my phone number. I gave her without thinking a lot. I still remember the confusion happened when she called me and my mom received the call. Most of the people confuse between my and my father’s names. Although they are entirely different in writing, but in pronunciation they have a similarity. She also fell into the same problem. She called me and my mother received the call, she asked for me but said my father’s name. My mom thought that the call is for my dad and she told her that her husband is out for some work.

Listening this, she broke into tears and disconnected the call. I came to know later that she was with her friend and she was thinking that I broke her trust. To teach me a lesson, her friend called me again and luckily this time I picked up the phone. She started firing me and I was not even aware of the situation. I told her to cool down and tell me the problem. I was getting a little nervous because I could hear her voice, she was crying continuously. Her friend told me that, I cheated her by saying that I am not married and she just spoke to your wife. I wanted to laugh at it but looking to the seriousness of the situation, I controlled myself.

I asked her, what name did you tell her? She said the name. I said, it is a shame that your friend do not even pronounce my name correctly and expects a proper reply. The name you told just now is of my father’s name and to whom your friend spoke was my mother. I added to the heat by saying that, now my mom is suspicious as to what is happening. The time I stopped this, her friend broke a laugh and she was scolding her from behind. She dropped the receiver by laughing and didn't speak a word.

Then after some time, again I got the call and this time my mom, started asking me about the calls. She was getting suspicious on the calls coming from a girl and that to long distance. Sorry, one thing I didn't tell you guys that, she was not in Mumbai as to she didn't live in Mumbai. The time we met she was in Delhi, studying her masters and computers. So she was calling me from Delhi. So she called me back and I explained her, the confusion just happened. Things were light and she understood the confusion.

Although I would say that was a test of our loyalty and trust in us that our relationship was able to sustain the waves of confusion without even getting a little shake. Even though, we were in a relationship which was the next level of friendship but still we decided to remain as friends. We were comfortable in interacting with ourselves as friends than as a couple. But that doesn't mean, we didn't have romance in our relationship. We enjoyed all colors of this relationship and with each experience; our bonding was more proper, more stable, more flexible and more durable.

Within all these happening, my graduation and NIIT training completed and I got an internship in a software company as a programmer. I never liked programming and kept that as the last sought career position. But my luck started counting the lost from down and I got a job as a programmer. First job in life, first salary everything first, wonderful feeling. Weeks passed like weeks and weeks like years. We used to talk everyday on phone. We wanted to meet and see ourselves. But how??

That was a time when my granny came to Mumbai from Kolkata. I was very close to her. Although she was much stricter than my mom but somewhere she made sense in everything she did. I planned to tell her about this. I was scared because she comes from that ole generation, where love was only after marriage. I told her to send her snap to me. I still remember, she mailed me a marriage photograph which she attended. That is how I saw her for the first time. She was damn beautiful and pretty. She asked for my photo. Well.. I am not into much of clicking photos; I would rather click someone else but not myself.

But luckily there was a party in office and people clicked the party. Fortunately there were couple of snaps, where I was there and that I mailed her those. Well… the point is how to meet? In a good day, when everything was normal, I opened her pic in front of my granny and asked her, how do you find her? This question was very important because my granny loved beauty because she was damn beautiful. At the age pass 70 she used to look at least 20 – 30 years younger, just because she maintained it. Granny loved her, as she was also beautiful.

I made so many plans to go and meet her but then it didn't work because of the work and by that time another big thing happened. Both of our family got the telephone bills and it was around 11000. On checking the bills, her family found a Mumbai number and my family found a Delhi number. Then what…. Questions..Questions…Questions….

I still remember, I was getting ready for office and suddenly my phone rang. It was a STD, I was sure something has happened, as I hadn't expected her call so early. I answered the call and found a male voice. He asked my name and I told him and then he asked whether I knew his girl. I was not pre texted. So I agreed and also told him that we met on chat. By this time, my family knew the entire situation. I told them and also told them that whatever it takes, I will marry her or no one else.

I told my mom to call that number back and tell them the entire story. I was not aware of her situation. When the call was made, she was not in house and the call was answered by her father. I was in office and was praying to god. What I came to know that when my mom called and spoke with her dad, she entered home. Her dad, asked her about me and she was blurred. She denied that, she didn’t know me. I was very furious and I thought of putting a mail on it. But my mom told me to calm down. I was very much angree as to why to put my mom in a fix.

I think also understood, what she did and she told the entire thing to her parents. There was no problem as I also come from a good family. Things sorted out and the same night, her father called on my cell and apologized to me. I told him that if I were in his position then I would have reacted the same way. Then everything sorted out, I used to call her only on Sundays and talk with him and her mom. Her mom used to ask me about the future of this relationship and I was very sure of the future. But by the time this happened, my granny passed away.

I wanted her to stay with me to see all these things, she also spoke with her one day in Hindi. I couldn't believe that. When she got the news, she cried endlessly, she was attracted to her warmth. My granny will be always my favorite. But she wanted to my marriage and so taking her last wishes, my parents agreed to visit.

But how to recognize her? Looking someone in photo and in individual, are both different things. But no one believes that we both were psychologically connected. I could sense the color of her dress, by sitting in Mumbai. So recognizing someone was not a big deal. That was a first time I met her in person, wonderful feeling indeed. Sitting and talking, holding hands..Was simply great. Our marriage was decided the next year in winter. Everything was going as per our expectation.

We invited them to visit Mumbai and to see our place. They agreed and visited us, so that was the final meeting we had in person and then in a year we got married to each other. I always say by this our relationship climbs the next level but still we remain what we were….Good friends. We had a only pact between ourselves that.. Whatever happens our friendship will never break and maintaining this promise..We are completing 10 years of commitment and loyal togetherness.

She had been always besides me in good and bad times and I am grateful to her for that. Today by completing 10 years of marriage I have completed 12 years of professional commitment. She was always a vital support for me to complete these years. I have no regrets in saying, academically and practically, she is much more superior to me, but I love it. Today I have a small world called “Family” where I, my wife and my daughter live.

I feel apart from the position I am working on, it was a dream 12 yrs back, when I was fighting for survival. Today I help people to survive as I did. The journey from a 4 figure salary to 6 figure salary was exciting, lot of lessons learnt and lot of experiences.

Before putting a full stop to my short reflection of my life, I would like to say something to all of you, It is not what you achieve but what matters is how you have achieved. Life tests everyone but it also gives you a solution and love is a part of the solution. Loving someone is not something which should be repented, when you don't get that person. Love does not understand revenges, egos … nothing. For love.. Even Black is beautiful, if you believe it is beautiful.

So people… Love unconditionally and enjoy the colors of life…… thanks. 

Its all about me!!! - Part 1

I was born in a middle class family in Kolkata and soon came to Mumbai, as my family shifted places. I have seen life in Mumbai change in these 3 decades and so the essence of relationships. I saw people adjusting themselves in crunches with a smile on their face.

I feel fortunate of having this experience seen by myself. Although born in a middle class family, we were never in shortage in resources. My father was working in one of the biggest enterprises in oil & gas domain and we had satisfying life. I started my academic journey from Kolkata and completed that in Mumbai. My earliest days of schools were in a strict convent environment, where you get bitten up, if found speaking anything apart from English and then landing to central school, where talking in English was a ceremony.

As a child, I didn’t had so much of fantasies about getting good toys or clothes, which kids of my age has. But, somewhere when I used to see my friends playing with good toys or getting pampered from their parents, I used to get that expectation built inside myself. But the fact or the reality was entirely different, I was not so impressed by me because I was not as good in the studies as my sister was and he used to compare myself with her. But he failed to understand that, as an individual, I had some qualities which she didn’t have.

This made me shrink into a shell and every day I used to spend fearing, if things are neither right nor wrong. There were many times, when I prayed god to take me up as I don’t want to live here. But then, these are something which a kid will do. My credibility in my family was brought to 0 and this pained me a lot. This created an un-reversible rift between me and my father and probably some where it is still there. We stopped talking with each other long back and this grew by the time.

No one ever felt to sort things out or to understand the problem and it never got sorted. Not that I didn’t want, but I didn’t want to start. It had become a clash of egos and there was no going back. It was a time when I started liking a girl from my class. It was too early and I was too young to define that. But she was from a group, surrounding with high class people and I was never fitted into them or would not fit into them.

I was never made interested to look on presentation and neither had I liked. I always felt comfortable in being the way I am in real. I never liked to be faked, this might be the only reason, I was never included in their group. I always felt lonely and had no such friends. I still remember I called everyone in my birthday, I waited for them and then no one came. I bought a birthday card for that girl on her birthday and gave to her. Next day her friends tore the card and returned me back. I was shattered from inside.

I was in a situation that, I never got an emotional support from any one, whom I expected from. But that didn’t spoiled my identity and I thought, what so ever be and what so ever I have to do, One day I will come to a stage where people will know me and they will work with me. Today when I look back and compare with what was and what I am, there is an unbelievable change in my entire life. Today when I visit the same place, I feel that I should meet with them and then probably I can show them, what I have become.

Then came the college days, brightest and most remembered days of everyone’s life. I was never interested in technical and wanted to go to in medical. I was passionate to become doctor and planned to take up subjects like genetics and neuro. I somehow managed to get a seat in a well known government medical college, but I was not allowed to go, just because the time the entire course to complete and the life a doctor has. I never wanted to go for engineering, as I was not so good with maths and physics. I used to hate any subject which needed calculations.

Well, but destiny had something else stored for me. Leaving everything I had to take admission in B.COM, where again I had to see maths but before that the most scary part was how will I do it? I studied science in school and didn’t knew anything about commerce, then how will I be able to cope with it. I read all the school books on commerce before going to college.

College was cool on the first day. Lot of students, big buildings but the same classes. I had early morning classes and for first couple of days, it was a problem in getting up. But by time, It came into the cycle. It was a different environment only. No restrictions on going classes, lot of friends- I was happy.

Our batch was a mix of students coming from non-state board. All good and intelligent. I always prayed to god that, I should not get into any situation, where I cannot answer. But god was always good on me and he made me look like an intelligent student. Exams for the 1^st semester were good and we passed with good percentages.

 By this time, we were famous in the college. I was good in computers and it proved to be a point of attraction. I am talking about 1999, where people were not so much inclined to computers, but it was not that they didn’t knew about it. 2^nd Semester started on a good note, I started enjoying the stardom in the college.

That was a time when, my life changed for the first time. There was a inter college science exhibition, which for the first time, was hosted by our college. So the management wanted some good volunteers for the event. The criteria of selection was very tough, every class / section would recommend max. of 4 volunteers, all the volunteers should have scored above 60% in their 1^st semester. I was a part of the selected group from my class and we were called for a briefing session.

We reached the hall and found that it was already full. There were selected people from all the three streams viz. arts, science and commerce and from numerous sections. I scanned the hall and got couple of vacant seats. We took those seats and sat there. Suddenly my friend started calling me saying a girl is constantly watching me. I gave least interest in his words and was listening to the professor. My friend again called me and I was totally pissed off. I told him firmly, not to disturb me; the girl heard this and stopped looking at me.

But this was not the end of it. That day I reached home an hour late. I entered home and found no one in the house. My mom was out to visit her friends. I freshened up and it was 5 PM (I cannot forget the time). My phone ranged, I picked up the phone and there was a girl talking from the other end. At first she didn’t tell her name and told me that she knows me. I thought, someone from my group was making fun of me, so I didn’t take it as joke. She got angree on me that I am not serious and dropped the phone. I planned to shout on my gang for this.

Next day, I asked every one about the call and surprisingly no one made it. There facial expression even didn’t tell me that they were joking. I was confused because out of my gang, no one knew my phone number. From that day, my phone would ring at exact 5 PM and the same voice came from other side. One day while talking, I told her that if you don’t tell your name, I will stop taking your calls. I was very much serious on this. She knew and agreed to tell her name the next day.

Her call came as usual at 5 PM and it was raining outside. I told her to first tell her name and then we can talk. Then after a brief silence, she told her name. I cannot tell her name here because probably she might also be reading and I don’t want to put her in trouble. I was happy, day by day; I was getting addicted to her. Funniest thing in this was, she can only call me, I cannot (I know there are lot of ways to get the details but still I wanted to keep the trust). Without meeting and just by talking, we were getting close to ourselves and we understood that this is going to some other level than just friendship.

She told me that one day, she will tell me what she feels about me. I urged her to tell me at the same day, but she was reluctant to give me that day. Couple of days passed and I almost forgot this thing. Then the day came, I still it was Friday and I was waiting for her call as usual. She called me and said that she wanted to tell me something. I kept my hand on my heart and asked her to tell, after a brief silence, she told me that she loved me a lot. I couldn’t believe in what I heard, so I told her to repeat and she did. The call ended but my life started.

I told this to my best friend and he showed interested in talking with her. Next day was Saturday and after coming from college, we had a small ceremony in the house and in that my friend also came. My phone didn’t ring on 5 PM and I thought, she might be busy. Then around 7 PM the phone ringed. I was least expecting to be her. I took the phone and found to be her. I asked her what to her so long, so she told me that she was not in house. I told her that my best friend, whom I treat like a brother, wants to talk with her. She was surprised and little nervous but she agreed.

They spoke for around 10 mins and gave the call back to me and we chatted for another 15 mins and ended up the call. Semester exams came and went well. We decided that we will meet once the exams are over. By this time, I somehow took out the information about her that, she studies in the same college but in a science stream, which happens in the evening. She told me that one day, she will himself come to meet me and till then I should not try to find her. For me it was a test of love and trust. After knowing that both of us are in the same college, it was really hard for me not to find her. But this was something I have to rely upon. I couldn’t think of breaking the promise. I knew that, she will meet me the same day of the lat exam. I waited till evening in the agreed place in the college premise, but no one came.

I was upset but rather concerned, if any problem has happened but I was helpless, as I couldn’t reach her. Evening, she called me and told me that because of an emergency, she and her family had to go to her native place. I was upset from inside but I also knew the she will come back. She told me that she will try to call me. She asked y friends number, just in case, she wants to pass a message to me and I am not available.

Time passed like this and my friend used to tell me that she called him. I was surprised that why she is not calling me. But I didn’t make my mind think on that. Then one day my friend told me that, he got a girlfriend. I was happy for him and I told him that we can spend some time together once she comes back.

It was the valentine’s month and we decided that whatever it takes, we will meet. I had saved lot of pocket money, by skipping food. I bought some good flowers for her and went to college. There are many ways to reach our college and I was coming straight to the gate. The college was on the other side of the road and I was waiting to cross. I was very excited to finally meet her and in this excitement, I looked at the college gate and I could see my gang standing there. I scanned the entire area and found someone like my friend. It was hard for me to believe that, why my friend was in my college. So I remembered him saying that he got a girl friend. I didn’t want to disturb him.

She didn’t come and we didn’t meet. Evening she said that she was standing in the same area and she waved to me, but I didn’t see. I blindly trusted her and apologized her. I told her the why don’t you send your picture so that I can track you. She mailed her picture to me and that was the first time, I saw her. She was beautiful, like a fairy. Now I was eager to meet her in person. We decided to give it a try on Friday on the same place.

Friday came really fast and after completing my classes, I headed towards that place. I was excited thinking that she might be waiting for me. I reached there and scanned the area, she was not there. I thought, I might be early and there is some time for her to come. So I came out and started roaming and what I see, bowled me out and broke my entire life.

I saw my best friend, my brother, standing facing a boundary wall. I could see some girl against the wall. But couldn’t recognize her. Then suddenly a call came to her and he took the call. Speaking on phone he went away from that girl and I saw the same girl, whose picture I was sent.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and without a word went from there. I realized that on the Valentine’s Day, also she was there with him. The phone rang and I clearly asked her that did she love my friend. At first she started shouting at me but when I said I saw her, she stopped and it was a silence. I told her, loving someone is not a crime, so she does not have to repent or feel bad of that. She at once started crying and admitted the relationship.

It was not easy for me to do all these, as to what I did, I told her to go to him. She thought I was angree and will hate her for the entire life. But I convenienced her, that, I don’t see any reason, by which I should hate her. She told me that I have a big heart and one day someone will come in my life, who would understand and respect my emotions and by these words, the calls died. My phone never rang at 5 PM.

I cried a lot. I felt broken. I felt that someone has taken my heart out of me. I stopped eating, stopped meeting friends, and stopped everything. I still remember, it was a Sunday afternoon and everybody was relaxing. It was more than 2 weeks past from that day but I couldn’t forget her. I woke up from my bed and went in the balcony. I was having a shaving blade in my hand and suddenly I cut my nerves. Blood started coming out and I was unconscious soon after. I woke up in the hospital bed with my parents standing beside me. I knew I did a big mistake and I will be punished for that.  But surprisingly, they didn’t ask “WHY?” I felt guiltier and told them everything. My mother touched me and said me that did you think of us?

I understood what she meant and apologized her. For net one week, I didn't go to college and showcased the incident as an accident. Then from that time till the end of the course, there was no looking back. I also joined NIIT with my college and both of them ended the same day.

--To be continued

Today I am married to the most wonderful person and having a lovely daughter. I will definitely write, how did I meet my wife and how did we marry in my next post. You might be thinking, why didn't I fight for my love? But I can fight for something which is mine, not for something which doesn't belong to me. I understood love to “Give Away” without “Expecting” anything. If I holded her that time, then it would not be love but dictatorship. Love is like a boomerang, the more you throw away from yourself the more quickly it comes to you again.

Is it logical to make a remake of original masterpiece?

Its the time of remakes and adaptions. I dont understand the concept or the difference between a "remake" and a "adaptation". for me both of them are the same as there are so many references of the original that you feel that you are seeing the same version.

The Lack of creativeness, has triggered this trend of remaking the same successfull formula with a new touch, it is like you are experimenting with a dish, which is cooked so well. I dont understand the intelligence of re making the entire model keeping the backdrop same but putting new faces and voices in the front. They should understand that people have loved them, like they were in the movie and will compare the newer version on the same grounds.

The newer addition in this league is ajay devgn - tamannah starrer HIMMATWALA, which was remaked from 1983 version of the same titled movie. The authenticity was tampered while making the newer version as the audience was left in between, thinking that what to expect and what to see. This would have been a masala movie for those who have not seen the original version of the same movie and found this version to be having all masala. What was expected from the director was a simple essence of the image, which the original movie had and should have woven the story arround the same. There was no need to keep the same 1983 feel because no one can replicate the presentation levels of that period now. The main reason of HIMMATWALA failing in box office was on the mix of plot and the backgrounds, the movie was more of a comedy than a drama and the raised bar of expectation from the new pair with jeetendra-sridevi, which is evidently not possible.

The nesxt flick on the same lines is a remake of a 1981 movie called CASHME BUDDOR. The original version was released and successfull in the boxoffice even though, it lacked a known or famous faces. The main indegrient of its success was the plot and the comedy blended in the story. It kept people glued on their seats and gave huge doses of laughter. Today also, one cannot stop laughing by looking the flim. This classic was remaked and released with the same name this friday i.e. 5th April 2013. although the verdict of the flim is yet to come but director of this movie has clearly said that this is not a remake but an adaption. He pressed on the fact that, although the ground plot was same but the treatment is different . He clarified that, he has taken a normal easy to understand and relate the story to anyone's life without thinking much on it.

I am not against the fact that there is a reaponsibility of everyone of us to bring the classics to the newer generation so that they are aware of them as well but the question is "HOW" The way they are tampering with the original masterpieces, i fear one day there will be nothing which can be called as a classic and we can be proud in showing them.