Life without her, is meaningless

I was trying to come out from my first breakup, stable but still shattered from inside. I started thinking, what mistake I made that, it happened to me. I started to generalized things and created a hatred for females. My friends used to tell me that, these girls don’t have heart and relationships for them, to trap someone and then throw after having fun. I used to think, these things, I heard for boys from girls, but here things are very opposite.

I recently had internet installed in my house. The excitement behind having internet was new to me. I never went to any cyber café before that, because I didn’t knew what to do in internet. Now when it was there in my house, it was a open ground for me to experiment and the first thing I took up for experiment is the chat rooms. I had heard a lot from my friends about these chat rooms and how easy was to flirt with girls there.

I started visiting chat rooms gradually and became somewhat addicted to it. Whenever I was free, I used to visit them and start chatting with other people. For me “Other People” were mostly girls, I suppose that is most obvious thing, a guy would do in internet. I was able to make many friends who were girls and I was happy of this achievement.

But somewhere, I was not able to forgive that girl for what she did with me or I didn’t want to make the feeling die inside me. I found myself changing little bit but in big way, I was treating this as an insult and someone inside me was not allowing me to forget so easily. The days past by like this, flirting and chatting.

Then one day I met with a girl in one of the chat room. I thought of approaching her and chat with her. In spite of sending a lot of welcome message, she didn’t respond. I thought trying here is not going to help me and I thought of changing the room. But I realized in the coming days that she used to be present in the same room with different names. I know you all might be thinking, if I didn’t knew her then how come I know that she is the same person. The answer to this question is the way she used to chat. She had a very different way of chatting.

After seeing that she was idle for a long time, I thought of taking the opportunity to go and talk to her. Fortunately this time, she replied to my greeting messages and we started chatting with each other. Time flew and days became months and I became addicted to her. By going time, we started to know each other nicely. We fixed a time in the night, when we used to login and then we used to go to a private room to chat.

I start feeling the same feelings coming inside me and I wanted to meet this person. But the problem was that, she was living in Delhi. But I wanted to be more expressive this time. I realized that she was shy in expressing feelings and also feared in accepting the feelings because she was aware of the growing number of internet frauds in the country and moreover it was right also. How can you trust someone, whom you cannot see or meet? I appreciated that. We soon became good friends and I used to share every bit of information with her. I felt safe, secure and satisfied after talking with her.

I decided to tell her my feelings and was also afraid that, history should not repeat this time. But I was also scared thinking, how she will think of me and she will not talk with me anymore and I will lose a nice friend also. I didn’t sleep that night thinking all these, one part of myself wanted me to express my feelings to her and the other side was resisting me from doing that, the whole night passed like this, anyways I was not sleeping from that day be didn’t felt so much pushing happening inside me.

At last I came to a conclusion to take this smoothly without making so much hurry. I then started telling my feelings indirectly through chat to her. It was not a easy part for her also, to understand and accept every bit of it, but I was prepared for this. But nothing like this happened, as days went, she started understanding my feelings and also shared hers. For me things were like a dream.

Then one fine day, I told her that I loved her, she didn’t reply to that and logged off. I thought, I made the biggest mistake of my life. Now I have to pay the price of it by losing her. This was the first time; I wanted to cry out loud. I didn’t got this feeling even after my heart was broken for the first time, but surprisingly this time I wanted to cry out loud. I spent the whole night crying. I was feeling very much deserted and thought of ending my life came inside me. I scratched my hands with blade and I was feeling happy to see the blood coming out from them.

The next day, I didn’t want to go to any chat room. But I somehow went there, I thought of neglecting her, even if we met. But suddenly, she gave me a message and told me to follow her to a private room. Words like “NO” were coming in my mind, but I couldn’t resist her invitation. I followed her and we went to a private chat room. She suddenly asked me, “Did you mean, what you said to me yesterday?” I said “Very much…” Then again there was big silence, she was there but was not talking. I thought of leaving the room before she types her message.

Then suddenly her message came saying, “I also mean what I will be saying now?” I felt my heart stopped or skipped a beat. But I still waited for her message. Then suddenly her message saying, “I LOVE YOU!!” came in front of me and I was elated to the height of the stars. He told this and at once left the room. I kept looking on the monitor from a long time. My mother was standing behind calling me for dinner and I was not replying to her, I was just looking on the screen.

The next few weeks went to prove my authenticity. I gave her my mail ids and account password, so that she can check my authenticity. Even though, I had many mails from many other girls, for her it didn’t matter. She was impressed with my sincerity of giving the password and understood my feelings for her were genuine. We came close to a lot in 3 yrs from the day we first met.

It’s being 6 yrs we got married and living happily. We had only 2 meetings with our families, one we went there and second was they came to Mumbai. I am still surprised, when people say, “Love marriages don’t work?” It’s the love In the relationship which make it work. I cannot live without her today because I feel; I am alive because of her. She brought me out from the state when I could have done anything. Now since she is my wife, but still we are best friends first then a couple. I can understand what he has to say and she understands what i want to say? It’s not that we don’t have fight, but each fight between us makes our love deeper and deeper.

The logic is very easy, you cannot understand the meaning of life till you don’t have love and when you have love then you don’t expect anything from life. The meaning of love starts and ends with the existence of a female in one’s life. They complete your life and take your life to a much higher level. They leave everything for you to just fill colors to your life and against that, whatever you do to make her happy are always less. I don’t miss a single day or time to say the same thing to my wife, which marked the beginning of our relationship, “I LOVE YOU” and you also don’t miss this opportunity to tell this to your loved ones.

Today we have a very beautiful life and expect that we would have a baby girl in near future. Today we both keep fast for each other till rest of our live, it’s important for me because, I don’t want to leave her for a single generation :)